Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
