dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
