I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
