I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize