Please, let me fuck your mom
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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