3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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