I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel like death gave me a hand job
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize