I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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