Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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