yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
