Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize