I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
