so that wasnt chicken after all
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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