cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
