he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize