my phone needs a breathalizer
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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