Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
God I need to hump something, right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
