you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
