He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
