Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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