This is the prime rib incident all over again
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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