I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
