I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize