does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
