my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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