Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize