I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
