you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize