Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize