please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
