you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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