Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
