Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
