What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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