I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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