A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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