I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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