you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
