I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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