He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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