I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
