just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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