genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
