Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My ass is underappreciated
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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