Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
