so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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