I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
