Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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