When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
