Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize