By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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