It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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