Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
