I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
