Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
