So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
