I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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