im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
