i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
