Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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