HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
