why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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