They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
