and you said cock pushups were impossible
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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