That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
