If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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