i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
