why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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