So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
