Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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