I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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