your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
