I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
