I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
