just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
