She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
