i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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