the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
