worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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