he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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