wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
