The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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