k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Randomize
