What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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