I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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