Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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