You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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