Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
