He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
