dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize