it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Randomize
